What would life be without friends? Friendships accompany you through difficult times and sometimes last a lifetime. It doesn’t matter whether the boyfriend is a man or a woman. Many people are of the opinion that platonic friendships between men and women are almost impossible, but experience shows that it works wonderfully.
There are many different forms of relationships these days, from traditional marriage to friendship with occasional casual sex. But most of them are not as new as you might think.
A platonic friendship is probably as old as humanity itself and has been known at least since classical antiquity. But what exactly does it mean and under what circumstances does it make sense to get involved in such a relationship?
What Is a Platonic Friendship?
Many believe that a friendship between a man and a woman can not work in principle because it inevitably starts to crackle between the two at some point.
Can men and women just be good friends? For many, this goes without saying, but others do not believe in friendship of this kind.
Pure friendly relationships are often referred to as platonic friendships. Behind this is the philosophy of the great Greek thinker Plato. He actually thought of something completely different.
The lover in the sense of Plato strove to leave sexual attraction behind in search of something higher. For him, only the beautiful should count.
Today hardly anyone strives for something higher. A friendship between men and women without any sexual attraction is called platonic friendship.
A platonic Relationship means noneSex and no gestures or behaviors that could lead towards a relationship.
So… a friendship like the one you would have with your best buddy or best friend, without kissing, without clear contact, without jealousy.
This is by no means rare. For it to work, however, both sides have to think accordingly and communicate this openly.
Jealousy must be avoided
It is difficult when a man or a woman maintains friendly contact with the opposite sex despite being in a relationship. Depending on the attractiveness of the friend or the friend and the closeness of the friendship, the relationship partner must be able to endure a lot.
Jealousy can turn into a boomerang: When the partner is annoyed and even more turns to a platonic friendship.
It is easier if everyone belongs to a mutual group of friends and the platonic friend is also in a relationship. So everyone knows where they are with each other.
After all, it is normal for couples not to share all interests 100 percent either. Your relationship partner should be able to go to the football stadium with her old buddy if the partner is simply not interested in football.
Rules for a Platonic Friendship
In my own experience, these five simple rules are a great way to make this friendship work.
1. No flirting
Your relationship isn’t going so well, so do you start flirting with your best friend? Such behavior not only makes it difficult for you and your partner but also confuses your buddy because you are sending him the wrong signals.
Even if you are single and just want to stay friends, you shouldn’t raise false hopes. True friends don’t play with each other!
2. Create clear relationships
If you’re sandpit friends, you probably see each other as siblings and know that you don’t want anything from each other.
However, if the friendship has only been around for a short time, it is better if you talk in advance about the type of relationship you want to have and whether feelings may be involved.
This may be a strange situation, but it protects your friendship from misunderstandings and you can be more relaxed with each other.
3. Include the partners
I actually fell in love with my best friend when I was a teenager and my husband fell in love with his best friend at about the same time. In fact, this love affair never resulted in a relationship.
Nevertheless, my lover and I talked openly about the fact that there were once more than just friendly feelings, but that time was a long time ago.
I now know his best friend very well – and he knows my best friend and isn’t jealous when I see him. I think getting to know each other is particularly important because it clears up relationships and prevents misunderstandings.
4. Do not do anything romantic
Especially if you think that feelings could develop between you and your boyfriend, but you don’t want to, you shouldn’t do anything together that looks like a date.
A cozy movie evening for two under a blanket, a holiday together with an overnight stay in a shared bed: This does not necessarily have to lead to romantic feelings in you, but it can complicate you a lot. Especially if you are already taken to someone else, it is better to reserve such activities for them.
5. Show bad sides
It probably sounds a little irritating, but you shouldn’t pretend to be in front of your best friend, you should be completely honest and show your bad sides from time to time.
If you’re dressing up for him, bending over for him, or trying to impress him, you should ask yourself, with what goal you are doing it.
Are you secretly hoping that it’s more than just a platonic friendship? Listen carefully to yourself.
Clear Words to Deal with One Another
If a platonic friendship has developed over many years, both generally know where they stand.
Most of the time, the other is simply viewed as a sister or brother. It is more difficult with new contacts. Especially when there is the hope of a sexual relationship or partnership at least on one side.
Only clear words help here. For example, pointing out a fulfilling single life or simply finding like-minded people for a shared hobby.
An honest confession can also be useful. For example, if you have freed yourself from a bad relationship of several years, you should say this calmly.
It is completely normal that in this situation only spiritual support and new friendly contacts are sought.
If you are both in a steady partnership, the platonic friendship is a bit more defined from the start anyway. But also show your boyfriend or girlfriend that this platonic relationship will remain.
The best way to do this is to stay within limits. Are you just wondering if you would do the same with a buddy / best friend? This also includes avoiding situations in which there is more physical closeness than you might wish.
But once you have played into platonic friendship, it will be a matter of course for both of you that “nothing works” and that you are just friends. Enjoy it!
