I always get scared when women ask me… why men cheat on their wives or their girlfriends. Simply because I know it is quite a sensitive topic.
The same is true for women who are looking for signs that their husbands are cheating on them.
Of course, the easiest answer – why men cheat on you – is very simple, saying:
“ Because it’s an incredible jerk and a bastard. “
… And you know?
If that’s what your friends say to you, that’s okay. It is their job to stand up for you and take your side one hundred percent. Especially if you are in a situation where you are angry with him and feel hurt.
But it is not the real reason why a man cheats.
Look:
It is not my intention to tell you what you want to hear or to give you support. I assume your family and friends will do this.
So if you’re still in the grief stage because your husband cheated on you, skip this article. It’s full of things you don’t want to hear.
What you might want to hear is the Men’s Secret. It gives you just a little more insight into how he thinks so that you can better decide what your actions will be.
But if you want to know the real reasons why your husband is committing adultery or cheating on you,,, read on!!
It’s not a nice truth, but at least it helps you understand that it’s usually not your fault.
The real reasons why men cheat on women
Why do husbands cheat on their wives?
Is it true that men cheat or commit adultery because they are all bastards?
If so, there are an awful lot of bad people on the planet.
Is the reason men cheat on their girlfriend is that they don’t love their partner?
If so, why are they staying with their girlfriend or wife and not just breaking up?
If it’s that bad, why is everyone doing it?
Everyone always has a big mouth about cheating and everyone always thinks it’s bad. Yet people often cheat. This is mainly because many of the reasons why your boyfriend or husband cheats just don’t make as much sense as you might hope.
The relationship is bad
The husband and wife relationship is bad, they lie in bed and don’t look at each other. Are there often arguments at home and things are not going well? This can drive a married man crazy. If there are regular arguments in the house and it is not resolved properly, a pattern can arise in which he wants to flee from the relationship.
This is one of the most common signs of a relationship that is over.
An affair with a woman who loves him offers him a temporary fantasy world where he can escape the troubles at home. If you are married, this may be why a married man is cheating on you.
And before you get mad …
I once heard a man say that his affair was the only reason his marriage survived a crisis. He literally said:
“ If I didn’t have someone to let off steam during those months of tension and drama, our marriage would be long over. “
(So if you’re having an affair with a married man, make sure he doesn’t use you for this).
He has unrealistic expectations for a relationship
Husband has unrealistic expectations for a relationship. I have often experienced this with men that I coach. They have an absurd expectation that all their needs must be fulfilled in a relationship.
Not only does he expect his partner to support him emotionally and always be there for him, but he also expects the same physically. Now, this is of course impossible, as no partner can always fulfill all your needs. Yet many men think this is how it should be.
He then cheats because he thinks you are doing him short. Therefore, he thinks he has the right to fulfill his needs outside the home. It’s better to tell these guys to find someone else.
Let him go to his mistress to find out that it is impossible to find this in one woman. You can tell him ten times that his expectations are not realistic, but he will have to find out for himself.
The main reason he cheats during your pregnancy
Besides, this is also one of the main reasons why men cheat during women’s pregnancy.
Of course, that’s awful, I know.
But if you pay less attention to him, he thinks he has the right to look elsewhere.
Variation
Men are always focused on seeking out as many bed partners as possible. Our DNA had the greatest chance of survival in this way.
Unlike women, it was a great advantage for us to conceive a child with another. This allowed us to let another unknown man take care of our child, so we could reproduce with as little energy as possible.
I know this sounds a bit distasteful, but it’s why men tend to cheat.
Are men that weak?
So that we have this urge does that mean we can not control this urge?
It seems that many men can not do this.
Because every time you compare studies of what people think about cheating and what people do, you see something really funny:
In more than 90% of all cases, people indicate that they think cheating is not possible and that it is bad. Yet the number of people who cheat is many, many times higher. Also, men (in the aforementioned book by Neuman) indicated that they felt guilty in 66% of the cases.
Fun fact: Women only feel guilty in 10% of the cases.
You may be asking yourself now:
Does a happy man cheat?
Yes, even a man who is happy cheats. And sometimes he only does this because he wanted some variety. This may be a bitter pill, but the truth is sometimes very simple.
Revenge
Man is angry with a woman if she has cheated on him. This is a huge assault on a man’s ego. That attack is so great that few men ever get over it.
They prefer to straighten the score so that they don’t feel inferior to themselves. This could be just one reason why he is cheating on you.
You often see that they continue after your affair has ended. Especially if your boyfriend doesn’t want to forgive you for cheating on him, he can keep this up for years.
What to do after this form of cheating?
If this is dynamic then it is sometimes better to just end the relationship. If he continues to blame you forever, the relationship won’t last long.
Ego
A man looks in the mirror and thinks he is wonderful. This is perhaps the main reason men cheat. Although people often think that cheating is all about sex, in reality, this turns out to be different. In the book The Truth About Cheating, relationship therapist Neuman writes that a poll of 200 cheating men shows that 48% of all men cheat because they are emotionally dissatisfied.
In contrast, only 8% admitted that it was only about sex with another woman.
When a man feels that he is no longer the ‘hero’ in a relationship, he becomes sensitive to the attention of other women. If he feels that:
- You no longer find him attractive
- You no longer desire him
- Or that he simply disappointed you
Then he can hardly resist the attention of a woman who does think he is great.
… And I’m not necessarily talking about narcissistic bastards or men who want you bad. It also applies to very normal stable men.
Sex
As I said before, sex is the reason why a man cheats in about 8% of the cases. A man has a great need for sex. If he does not see this fulfilled over a longer period, he can start looking for it.
It may also be that he cheats because his partner wants other things in bed or does not want to do things he wants.
(I can give you a few examples here, but I’ll leave it to your imagination).
Some sexual desires are so strong that he can barely control them. Also because of this, a man who loves his wife and who does not even consider leaving her can still cheat.
He may even commit adultery with a woman he finds less attractive than his partner.
In fact, in many cases, men tell me that they find their mistress less attractive than their partner.
Fear of commitment
If a man suffers from fear of commitment, he may suddenly cheat because he wants to feel like he’s single again. In that case, he may even unconsciously hopes that he will be caught.
He loves you and doesn’t want to lose you, but his fear of commitment makes him unconsciously sabotage the relationship.
It’s an incredibly unhealthy way to deal with a fear of commitment. Men who do this often have enormous emotional baggage. There is little you can do in such a case except protect yourself and distance yourself.
He will first have to resolve his issues before he can have a healthy relationship with a woman. It’s infinitely stupid for men to do this, but unfortunately, it’s one reason why men cheat on their girlfriend.
He is in love with someone else
A man is in love with another woman. Funnily enough, this is one of the least common reasons, which almost all women think is the reason.
Just because he’s having an affair doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you or that he’s in love with someone else. There may be times when he likes someone else more than you. But trust me, if that’s the case, he’ll break up and leave you.
You will then almost immediately know how things work.
Fortunately, it is very rare for men to have an affair because they have feelings for someone other than you.
He is constantly accused of cheating
Accusing a man of cheating often backfires.
This is a very ironic one, but unfortunately, it is very common. Do you constantly suspect him of cheating? Then he will do it much faster. Men who are in a relationship where their girlfriend trusts them don’t want to damage that trust.
If he feels that you already suspect him of cheating and don’t trust him, why do you hold back when the opportunity presents itself?
A friend of mine once said:
“I never thought of starting something with colleague X. My girlfriend was just constantly accusing me of having an affair. Nothing I said helped. I got the feeling that I might as well cheat and strangely enough, I started to look at colleague X with different eyes. It’s like she planted the idea in my head.”
So if you suspect your boyfriend is cheating, don’t constantly check or accuse him. Chances are that this will encourage him to cheat.
Alcohol
I’m not saying it’s a good excuse.
It’s no excuse at all if he commits adultery.
But sometimes the reason men commit adultery is simply alcohol. In so many cases of adultery, alcohol is involved. Alcohol makes people more primitive and their instincts have more influence.
So they can easily cross the line.
His parents were cheating on you
Husband’s parents cheated on him. The latter is rare, but for the sake of completeness, I don’t want to keep it from you.
A study from Texas Tech University shows that cheating is a family thing.
Men who come from a family where their parents cheat (either or both) are much more likely to do the same later in life. This is probably because people subconsciously see cheating as normal.