Each person expresses love differently. Where one wants to say “I care about you” with a present, the other does so by cooking a nice meal or giving a hug. When you know what love language someone speaks, you learn to communicate on a deeper level than just with words.
You feel loved when others elaborate on why you are so valuable, while the other feels loved when someone helps take out the garbage.
A relationship is actually a continuous exchange of love flows. When one transmits on a different frequency than the other, blockages can arise.
When one expresses himself in a way that the other actually understands, love continues to flow powerfully back and forth.
This is what therapist Gary Chapman discovered after years of treating couples who didn’t seem to understand each other. He distinguished five different love languages: ways in which people express and experience love.
The five love languages
We show our love by giving the best part of our time, speaking words of encouragement, giving gifts, being helpful, and through physical touch. Of course, there are many dialects within these five love languages, and you may even be bilingual. That’s all possible.
The most important thing is that you become aware of which language you speak and which language is important for your partner.
With that knowledge, you can really try to put yourself in someone else’s shoes and feel what you need from the other to keep the fire of inharmonious love.
A brief description of the five love languages:
1. Positive Words
Positive words will make you bloom with compliments, or if your partner expresses his appreciation for you in words.
“I love you” or “you look beautiful today” is what you prefer to hear. Insults or sneers also stay with you for a very long time.
2. Time and attention
“Show, don’t tell” could be the motto of this love language. You find it important to spend time where you and your partner pay attention to each other.
Postponing appointments, not really listening, or playing with the phone a bit during your date can be a hurtful experience.
3. Helpfulness
Loading and unloading the dishwasher, washing someone’s socks, or vacuuming because you know that will make someone happy.
They are all expressions of love. By lightening the burdens of the other, you show your love. Loudness and non-compliance with agreements are very annoying experiences.
4. Giving and receiving presents
You enjoy the fact that someone is thoughtful, thought of you when you were apart, and made an effort to make you happy with a present.
It doesn’t matter whether it’s big or small. It’s not about the equipment, it’s about the idea behind it. Forgetting a birthday or giving an impersonal gift that has not been thought about often does not go down well.
5. Physical Touch
This love language is not only about sex, but also about a hug, a loving squeeze on the shoulder, sitting against each other while watching television, or walking hand in hand on the street.
When someone physically distances themselves, it can feel like a rejection. Physical contact and accessibility are very important when physically expressing your love.
Also read: 10 Body Signals of Women who are in LOVE with You
Your Effort
Take the test and find out which love language you speak. You probably already feel which expressions speak to you the most while reading these five descriptions.
There are also plenty of online tests to discover which love language you speak. The useful thing about these tests is that you immediately see which forms of expression you score very low. So these could be your blind spots.
For example, my friend shows his love by being helpful. If I fold the laundry because he hates it, or make sure the house is vacuumed when he gets home, he sees a sign that I love him and think of him.
Because I score low on helpfulness myself, I often don’t think about showing my love in that way.
In fact; if he helps me with something, nine times out of ten I don’t realize that he wants to show his appreciation to me.
My laconic reaction to his help can hit him hard. I, on the other hand, shower him with compliments and positive words to show my love for him, purely because that is my love language.
After a while, I discovered that all those sweet words of mine mean little to him.
Awareness of these five languages of love can bring more understanding to the relationship. I fold the laundry more often, he says more often how nice my hair is. Sometimes it can be that simple.
Understand each other
Knowing about the other person what he/she finds important in the relationship is the key to more happiness in love.
It not only ensures that you can show your love in the right way, but also notice it faster if your partner is trying to make something clear to you.
Everyone sees the world through different glasses. Understanding what those glasses look like is useful not only in romantic relationships, but also in friendships or family relationships.
When two people bond, good communication is the most important thing. And communication just goes a lot smoother if you know which language the other person speaks.
